I Asked ChatGPT To Write A Rolex Submariner Story And It Did Not Suck

I'm not saying it was the greatest thing since Walt Odets but it wasn't terrible.

Photo by DANIEL HAY on Unsplash

By now I am sure that just about everyone with an internet connection, a slight sense of paranoia about artificial intelligence, and perhaps, a bit of a lazy streak, has heard of ChatGPT, the chatbot launched late last year by OpenAI (ChatGPT stands for Chat Generative Pre-trained Transformer, which has a fine, nonspecific, euphemistic dystopian ring to it). ChatGPT is not sentient (so they say … ) however, it is capable, thanks to the learning algorithms and training systems that power it, to produce what some folks feel are alarmingly realistic examples of near-human – heck, in some cases, indistinguishable from human – writing and conversations. Naturally since no sooner do we humans invent a neat tool than we find ways to misuse it – never underestimate the criminal mind, which of course is merely to say, every human mind – ChatGPT has been put to the task of everything from writing spurious term papers, to producing articles for allegedly respectable publications like CNET, which used ChatGPT over 75 times, according to Engadget, to write financial explainers (which may say something about the general editorial quality of financial explainers as much as it says anything about ChatGPT in particular, and artificial intelligence in general).

Anythewhoozle, like most quote luxury journalists unquote, I live in constant fear of the impeccably high quality prose I routinely produce for the edification of the wider horological world, being superseded by everything, over the years, from electronic bulletin board services to Facebook, Instagram and now TikTok (I draw the line at TikTok; few have seen me dance and/or sing and those unfortunate few universally decline to repeat the experience). My curiosity finally got the better of me and I gathered my skirts up and hied me to ChatGPT, where after a fairly perfunctory sign up process (at one point I was asked to find pictures of a bus in a CAPTCHA, which seemed in the context charmingly anachronistic) I was in.

I asked ChatGPT to generate an article. A watch article. To wit, a brief history of the Rolex Submariner. And this is what came out:

“The Rolex Submariner is a line of diving watches that was first introduced by Rolex in 1953. The watch was designed for professional and recreational divers, and it quickly became popular among both groups.

“The Submariner's design was heavily influenced by the needs of divers, and it featured a number of key features that made it well suited for underwater use. The watch had a water-resistant case that was tested to a depth of 100 meters (330 feet), and it was fitted with a rotating bezel that could be used to track dive time. Additionally, the watch featured highly legible luminescent hour markers and hands, which made it easy to read in low light conditions.

“Over the years, the Submariner has undergone several updates and revisions, with new models being introduced to keep up with advances in technology and design. For example, the Submariner 5513 was introduced in 1962, and it featured a new movement and a slimmer case. The Submariner Date was introduced in 1969 and features a date function. The Submariner 14060 was introduced in 1990, and it featured a new movement, a sapphire crystal, and a water resistance of 300 meters.

“In 2020, Rolex announced the introduction of the new Submariner 41 and Submariner Date 41, which feature a new case design, a new movement and a water resistance of 300 meters.

“The Submariner has also been worn by many notable individuals, including the iconic British secret agent James Bond, who wore a Submariner in several films. This has helped to cement the Submariner's reputation as a symbol of adventure, style, and luxury.

“Throughout its history, the Rolex Submariner has been considered one of the most iconic and recognizable watches in the world. With its timeless design and unparalleled durability, it has become a favorite among professional divers, adventurers, and watch enthusiasts alike.”

So you want to be a watch writer? (Photo by Rock'n Roll Monkey on Unsplash)

Now ladies, gentlemen, and those who have yet to make up their minds, this is not exactly HAL 9000 level stuff but it is factually correct and reasonably coherent – the worst thing I can say about it is that it is bland, bland, bland-o-rama but if someone were tasked with cranking out fairly characterless, neutered prose just to fill column inches or wet their beak at the well of SEO, you could do a lot worse. There are no obvious glaring errors, the writing is grammatically correct and this mindless bot actually seems to know not to use sentence fragments for emphasis, which is more than I can say about some of the shots at watch writing that have come across my desk over the years from alleged humans. I certainly don’t think that ChatGPT is going to displace real, opinionated writing with a viewpoint – I haven’t asked it to write a restaurant review in the style of Jay Rayner, for instance, but I bet it would not do very well. Still, it’s a little bit more the thin end of the wedge for my endangered profession than I care to see. As far as I can tell, the last ditch defense of human writers against the bots, might be, being funny.